Too scared to shoot the breeze
Written by Kathryn Savage
Does making small talk send you into a state of panic? You’re not alone. Public speaking is among the most loathed aspects of professional life, and in a way, making small talk with a complete stranger is sort of like being on your own mini-stage.
The thing about small talk is, it’s a necessary evil. Without it, we wouldn’t be able to make new friends, start relationships, or attend family reunions. Friendship is a great and important part of a healthy, long life. So what to do if the thought of going to your coworker's birthday bash this weekend sends you into a fit of hot flashes?
If you're like me, one of the millions of people who sweats bullets over the thought of finding engaging things to talk about with complete strangers, fear not! Help is on the way! Here are some tried and true tips for feeling confident when making smart, witty small talk with just about anyone!
Make the first move
You don’t know anyone. The friend who invited you to this party is nowhere to be found. Before you do a 180 and decide to wait in your car (or the bar across the street), find someone standing alone, walk up and introduce yourself. What do you say? Make a comment about the music, the decor, the food, pick anything accessible and easy for the other person to comment on and make it lighthearted (skip politics, religion and sex for now).
Um, now what?
Things are going great, you both recently saw the same indie thriller, you both have dogs, then suddenly, nothing. Conversation standstill. What to do? Ask a question or compliment the person you are talking too. Like her necklace? Tell her so, ask her where she got it. Need to know where to get the best burrito in town? Ask. The best thing to do to keep a conversation moving is to ask questions that are why's and how's. “Why did you move here?” “How do you like it?” These questions are specific, they are about the other person’s life and their choices but they are also general enough to allow some wiggle room. In other words, your conversation mate has a lot of room to get this question "right". I’d rather be approached with a "why" question than a “tell me what you think about” question. “Tell me what you think about the effects of global warming on todays marketplace,” is maybe a bit to investigative-reporter-style for a little cocktail hour conversation.
Need an exit strategy?
Begin with a compliment, say something like, “it was really nice talking with you,” follow with a “excuse me,” then give a general reason why you’re out, like, “I’ve got to a) use the restroom b) make a phone call c) check my messages” etc. It doesn’t really matter what you say, you want the person to know you enjoyed your talk and you hope they have a great time.
For another great article on small talk tips follow this link.
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written by Glee Hanson, June 16, 2008
written by kathwren, June 08, 2008
My sweet Dad recently passed from this Earth. In the following hours I relived the memories of childhood. Many of those memories involve his use of small talk on a daily basis. Whether we were driving across country, going to the lumber yard , post office or gas station, Dad would "make a new friend". Amazingly, there was often a connection such as: a friend of a friend, from the same home town, interested in similar hobby, etc.
I took up this observed habit, as it had shaped part of my life. As a teen, now as an adult, I practice small talk wherever I go. Though friends~family are often ??? if they are in the nearby vicinity (by the way, I show respect toward their time and presence) I am always thankful to have taken the opportunity. Whether it's a woman in the grocery, a husband waiting for his wife to finish chemo, a local "oldtime" farmer, or the tatooed guy ahead of me in line, I walk away with a gift...my life is forever changed by taking the time to be genuinely present with others. To give a smile, lend an ear, laugh with another brings joy to our lives. In this busy world I invite all people to BREATH in the harmony of small talk.
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