FEATURE: Lessons in Likability, Longevity

Written by Kathryn Savage

There have been many convincing studies conducted about the positive impact of social bonding on overall health and longevity.

A recent study led by Lisa Berkman of Harvard found that over a ninety-year period, seniors with the most social connection seemed to outlive their isolated peers. Stark evidence suggests that people without a lot of friends were between two and three times more likely to die.

Good news!
The type of connection mattered less than the simple fact that their was some personal connection being sustained. In other words, date night with your significant other, or trips to Hawaii with your girls aren't your only opportunity to reap the health rewards of friendship; joining a local softball league with relative strangers might pack the same good-for-you punch!

What does it take to be surrounded by friends?
Nurture the relationships you have and foster new relationships by being likable.

What does it take to be considered likable?
It’s less a matter of your age, education level, fitness level, financial status or religious beliefs. Studies suggest that people don't much care how accomplished you are. Sure, you've got to be compatible, but after that, being likable isn’t really about you at all, it’s about the other person. Ask questions more often than not. Be interested, remember (gulp - I’m terrible at this one!) people’s birthdays. It’s less about being interesting than it is about being interested in the other person.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Show appreciation for people who you respect and admire. Remember that, by and large, what you get is what you give. Be loving, attentive and participatory in the lives of the people you respect, care for and keep close.

Participate & Learn
If you know someone doing something you want to take on, bring that person close and see what you can learn from how they live. Research suggests that friends who take on an activity together are more likely to stick with it than if they took it up solo. If you have a close friend who is a marathoner, and you want to get into running, see if you can go with them for a jog a few days a week. Or, if one of your friends always looks perfectly svelte, ask for a few of his or her healthiest recipes.

Get happy for an hour or two a week.
A good friend, who is crazy busy with her career at the moment, recently vanished from the face of the planet. I caught a glimpse of her a month ago and she confessed that she has so much going on the thought of a night out is just too much. I asked her if she could make time for an hour or two, not a whole night, say just a beer. We agreed to start spending short sprints of time together, not marathons. One hour, one beer, no dinner, no bar hop. When you reduce the pressure of what it means to “go out” you open up the possibility for more frequent  get-togethers. You still get to reap the benefits of stress reduction that come from social bonding. Meet for a drink, a jog, an appetizer. Maybe short sprints of hanging out is just what this modern world calls for!

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written by Carrie Fink, May 05, 2008

Perfectly svelte does not mean ultra-thin. From dictionary.com: slender, esp. gracefully slender in figure; lithe. There's certainly nothing wrong with suggesting you get recipes from a person who appears slender and graceful. Just because models are stick-thin and anorexia/bulemia is a problem, don't let backlash from that create negative feelings toward a goal of being healthy and slender. Some people's frames don't lend themselves well toward "slender" but a healthy % of body fat is still a good goal, and I think that's all that was meant by that part of the article. The suggestion was to get a recipe from that person, not that being perfectly svelte equaled perfectly healthy or happy.

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I like the idea to take the 'short' jaunts and to define 'going out'
written by soosunt2, May 03, 2008

I like the idea to take the 'short' jaunts and to define 'going out'. I'm a single mother of three children and it exhausts me to think of arranging all that needs arranged in order to go out. I always feel I have to make an evening of it - and I really don't need to do that. I find it hard to maintain relationships and remember birthdays and I seem to blame it on being a busy mother. My son is 13 and I have 4 yr old twin girls. Thanks - susan

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written by a guest, May 01, 2008

Interesting point, Alice. I think, in general, it's a good idea to slow down, reduce stress, and take life at a more healthy pace.

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"Perfectly svelte" does not equal perfectly healthy or perfectly happy!
written by Alice Priest, April 30, 2008

I'm fed up with the media's obsession with ultra thinness. Sure, we have an obesity problem but we also have a widespread and enormously under-reported problem with eating disorders such as anorexia, especially among young women. The truth is we live in an extremist society.

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